Let’s Talk about Sex: Adult Issues During Divorce
Are you recently divorced and making your dating debut after a lengthy marriage? If it has been a while since you last went out to dinner and drinks with a total stranger, you probably have many concerns about when, how, and whether you should start having sex again.
Here are a few things to think about:
1. Is dating in my future?
Being incredibly devoted to another person is our strongest drive. Sometimes, people who have just divorced are advised to wait a certain amount of time. However, that counsel is a bit unnatural. Before a marriage is formally over, many people have already processed the end of an empty union. Nevertheless, it's crucial to make sure you're emotionally sound enough to partner with someone fresh. This is especially true after going through the loss of divorce.
Although preparedness is a subjective concept, the following questions will help you ascertain whether your heart is ready to date:
Is my self-esteem sufficiently restored that I now consider myself to be a deserving, desirable individual?
Can I enjoy a great evening without venting about my ex-problems?
If this turns out to be just a date and not the start of a relationship, am I prepared for a feeling of rejection?
2. What do I think about having sex with a new person?
Some individuals view dating after divorce as a chance to discover the variety of sexual partners they now have access to. The only requirement for sex in these scenarios might be that both couples find each other attractive (and possibly, convenient). However, there is no guarantee that the individual will want to meet you again, even if the sex is fantastic.
Therefore, give yourself some time to reflect on your own sex-related emotions. Do you want to have sex only for fun or does it represent something more to you? Wait until that connection is solidified if having sex means you start to care for the person. In addition, anticipate receiving that in return.
Also, remember that "sex" need not necessarily refer to actual sexual activity. The term "outercourse" can refer to touching and stroking while fully clothed, sexual massage, or even sexting and phone sex.
What would I require in order to feel secure during a sexual interaction?
While everyone will have a different response to this query, you should at the very least think about if you have enough information about your date to confirm that they are who they claim to be. Before you feel comfortable enough to engage in sexual activity, a few dates may be necessary. Furthermore, a thorough understanding of each partner's consent to have sex is also necessary.
Considerations for sexual health are as follows:
Have you mentioned your STD history to your date and addressed their health history? Will he or she wear a condom? Today, a condom is very necessary because, unfortunately, many people lie about their health and/or are unaware that they are STD carriers.
Would I think that sex during the first few dates was hot—or not?
Early in a relationship, sex may sometimes be extremely hot because we are less self-conscious and can let our guard down. This can lead to explosive moments, though not always. Many men have premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction as a result of the stress of meeting a new partner for the first time.
Additionally, first-time sex with a new and unfamiliar partner may result in a woman's excitement being lower and her orgasm being nonexistent, even if she typically orgasms readily. Therefore, she probably needs reinforcement that her boyfriend is interested in learning about her preferences, while her spouse might be too shy to inquire.
However, a person who doesn't care about your enjoyment should definitely be ruled out. Fortunately or sadly, early sex seems to have no influence on future sexual compatibility. It is definitely more indicative of whether sex will be positive in the long run if a person is aware of their attachment style and is prepared to work through issues.
Conclusion
Finally, remember that long-lasting amazing sex depends on being emotionally open and feeling secure enough to take sensuous risks. Additionally, being aware of both your partner's and your own body is vital. However, it’s good to remember that it takes time to develop these traits.